Knowing how a person is and still wanting to be with them.

MEH. and not knowing how that person feels about you. :| Life problems. 


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I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry. That’s the only thing I can say. There’s nothing more to say, because it wouldn’t matter anyways. I’ve fucked up just about everything good in my life. But oh well. I should be used to it. I deserve this. I knew you’d leave, you said you wouldn’t. You even promised me. & now look. I pushed you away. I’m sorry, love. So sorry. Tears are streaming down my face as I type this. I hope one day, things will get better. I hope we meet again. I need you, so much. I hope you live a wonderful life. & I hope you reach your dreams. I’m sorry I did this to us. So sorry. I guess you’re done. & I have to learn to live with that. It hurts. a lot. but I’ll be okay. I think. I love you. and it hurts.


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Nostalgic.

No one knows how I feel because I don’t talk to people about my feelings. Lately everything’s been hitting me really hard. and I just want it all to go away. I’m really nostalgic for things I can’t have. I’m so tired of seeing things I don’t wanna read or hear or whatever and crying my eyes out. I don’t quite know how to say how I’m feeling. I’m just really…. lost. and confused on where I stand with you. & I never pictured it coming to this. I never pictured losing you. All the things you’ve said to me about our “future” feels like it’s gone now. Everything is gone. All because of my stupid choices and mistakes. I pushed you away. I just want to disappear. I don’t know what to do with myself. I need you so much right now. but you don’t need me. Nor do you seem to care anymore. I’m not exaggerating when I say that I cry every single night. This feeling never goes away. This is serious. I’ve never felt so alone and so not needed before. And I thought this would be it. That we’d spend our lives together. I want to let go, but I can’t bring myself to it. It hurts me to even think about leaving you, for good. Having nothing to do with you. I can’t. I need you. It’s hard to get my words out the way I want them to. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to you. but I’m here for you. I am. I wish this could all stop. I want you back. No games. Nothing. I just want you. Please. Come back to me. I’ll do whatever it takes. I really will. I love you so much. so so much. & I can’t live my life without you. My life is living hell right now. I can’t quite explain the feeling that I feel. All I know is that it fucking hurts and I want it to fucking stop. 


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Valentine’s Day was the day I asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance(I was super nervous. I had never done this before.)but then it ended up getting canceled. -__- BOOOOO.
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This would be my…. life. 
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<3
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I will never ever let you go. 
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This. This. I…i can’t even begin to explain what he means to me. Our relationship, was one of the best relationships I’ve ever had with anyone. And it was real. He treated me like I was the only thing in his world because I mean, I was. This boy has so much of me that he doesn’t even know it. I’ve given him a lot, but not as much as he’s given me. I took his love for granted and I ended up losing the one thing I thought I could always count on, for anything, and love. He’s the love of my life. I don’t care that we’re not together, because I know we WILL get back together because we’re meant to be. I don’t want anyone else. And I’m going to sit here and prove that to him no matter how long that takes me. I’ll go to the ends of the world for this boy, if I have to. I want to give him everything that he’s given me, back. Because he deserves it. I want to be the only one that gives him love. I want to be the only one he needs and can be without but refuses to. I want to marry him and I’ve never been so positive about this before. He’s all I think about, all I dream about. I need to get him back. I need him. I want him. I LOVE him. He’s everything to me and so much more. I’m going to change my actions for the better. No more taking his feelings for granted. No more not caring. No more bullshit. No more hypocritical me. No more anything that puts a damper on our relationship. our relationship is going to be healthier and more strong from this. We’re both going to learn a lot from this. But if god is real, he wouldn’t let this love end like this. Because it wasn’t meant to be. We’re meant to be together forever.
I’ just scared

Of what’s going to happen with us now… I’m not going to force you to be with me. If you want to be with me as much as you say you do, then make it happen. I’m changing.. For you. So this does not happen again. I miss you.. So much. And I just want to start our lives together.. Sigh.


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Everything that just happened, is everything I tried to stop from happening.

Fucked up shit. WHATEVER. It’s your choice to be this way. I didn’t agree to it. I just need to change a few things. Nothing else. nothing more. We’re gonna be together. IDGAF what you say. We’re gonna be together. 


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